You Don't Know My Life
by durancedurance
Summary: Regina and Emma get into an argument and wake up the next day in each other's bodies. Yep, another body swap fic. Established SQ and just stupid fun, because the freaky friday idea won't leave me alone. Rated T for now, but rating may change later.


**A/N: Hey there you crazy SWEN folks! I know this has been done a thousand times and I know I have another fic I'm neglecting but every time I try to update this story kept creeping out of my brain. So I'm going with it. It's silly and stupid and who knows how long it might get but it helps with the writer's block for other things. Hope you enjoy and hope you're having a good hiatus! :)**

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It was a piling up of little things that had set Regina's teeth on edge. And then made her completely lose it. And most of them were Emma's fault. It had started that morning, when Emma was in the shower late and thus set the entire morning routine off schedule. She had also managed to start the laundry but not put it into the dryer the night before, and so Regina found her clothing options limited. Once she'd skipped the shower and gotten dressed, with very little time to spare, she went to drop Henry off at school, only to hear her empty gas light beep at her furiously after turning the car on. Of course, Emma had borrowed the Mercedes last night and hadn't bothered to fill it up. Regina had huffed and Henry had merely yawned, and after dropping him off she barely made it to the gas station to fill up, which ultimately made her late to her office.

Once at the office Regina had hoped to turn the day around, but she realized in her rush that morning and with her whole schedule off-balance, that she hadn't grabbed her smoothie out of the fridge that she'd prepped the night before, and there wasn't a single granola bar hidden in the depths of her purse. She grumbled and buzzed her secretary, requesting that she pick up some coffee and a bagel for her, and gave her enough cash to allow the poor girl to grab herself a pick-me-up as well. After attempting to get through some important paperwork, Regina's cell phone began to buzz. Annoyed at the interruption, Regina answered regardless once she saw Emma's photo pop up on the screen. Apparently Emma still hadn't found her car keys and was asking if Regina knew where they were. No, she hadn't seen them since she'd lost them yesterday, and why couldn't she just walk this morning? What did it matter now if she was already late? And after a quick argument Regina finally hung up and got back to work.

After a somewhat uneventful late morning and afternoon, Regina received another call at 3:30 from Henry. Turns out, Emma still hadn't found her keys and had neglected to pick up their son. Deciding this was a sign to end a pretty shitty day, she sent her secretary home, packed up her work, and then proceeded to pick up Henry. Regina had decided to cook dinner early to soothe her fraying nerves while Henry quietly worked on his homework. She decided sauteed chicken, and perhaps some baked mac 'n' cheese, would please both her and Emma that evening. She threw the mac 'n' cheese in the oven and decided to get in a shower before starting the chicken. She'd been craving one all day. After taking perhaps a bit too long in the shower Regina came back down to the kitchen, which smelled terrible, to find Henry pulling a fairly burnt pan out of the oven. He gave her a sheepish smile and it took all of her effort not to scream a rather loud string of curse words. She'd spent too long enjoying her shower and let it burn. As if the day couldn't get worse.

Henry promised they could work around the crusty bits and Regina went to work on the rest of dinner. By the time Emma came home Regina was in quite a state, and Emma had only made it worse by bringing in the mail, waving a large bill in front of her. Apparently they'd run up the A/C recently and Emma had the decency to look ashamed. How many times had she yelled at her that the thermostat was too low?! But Emma had whined and whined about how warm the upstairs bedrooms were and how unseasonably warm that August had been and then went about secretly changing the temperature each night. As if Regina didn't notice.

And so, after a rather stilted dinner, Regina retired to her study to catch up on the work she didn't get done at the office and have a drink of cider, or two. Emma came in, knocking softly first, to let Regina know that she'd found her keys finally (in a shoe, of all places) and to remind her that tomorrow evening her parents were hosting dinner. Regina couldn't remember Emma telling her about dinner at her parents, and Emma swore she had, and once again Regina could feel the anger rising like flames up to her cheeks. Regina's head began to pound, and she knew a migraine couldn't be far off.

A pile of little things, all adding up to a final blowout.

"How can you be so careless?!" Regina finally screeched, doing her best to keep her voice down knowing that Henry would no doubt be attempting to go to sleep. Even if he was a whole floor away.

"What? What did I do?" Emma gasped, not prepared for or just entirely oblivious to Regina's building anger. She knew her wife had been a bit miffed that day but she hadn't expected this. Whatever this was.

"What did you do?! What _didn't _you do?! You're a mess!" Regina huffed.

Emma hoped to diffuse the situation by making a joke. "But I'm _your _mess. A cute mess," she smiled. Regina growled, a terrifying evil queen growl, not just an annoyed mayor growl. Well _that _didn't work, Emma thought with a wince.

"It's only cute up until a point before it just becomes stupid! You couldn't find your keys, you were in the shower late, making _me _have to skip a shower, and you couldn't even bother to fill up my car? Really Emma? And the A/C bill and just...why can't you be an adult?! Why can't you not bother me at the office because you still can't find one of your personal belongings? And thanks for just forgetting about Henry today. That was sweet of you. Honestly Emma it's like I have two children and I'm getting so very tired of it," Regina huffed, her tirade making her breathless.

Emma was stunned. Regina thought she was a child? Well two could play at that game. "Oh I'm sorry mayor tight ass! I'm sorry that I don't adhere to your schedule every damn day and I'm so sorry that I don't always keep track of things with some kind of anal and meticulous calendar stored up in my brain!"

"I'm surprised you even know the word meticulous dear," Regina snitted, not appreciating having Emma yell back when this was entirely her fault.

"Oh fucking thank you for that little comment. Please, call me a child and insult my intelligence some more. Who's the idiot if you decided to marry me? I mean christ Regina, you think I don't try? You think I do this to piss you off? That I forget shit on purpose?!" Emma yelled, no longer attempting to hide her anger or keep her voice down. After all, the study was far enough away from Henry's room.

"Sometimes I don't know. Sometimes I think you see what you can get away with. Oh well I'm Emma Swan, I'm the savior, people will just forgive me even if I screw up," Regina whined, purposely making her tone high-pitched and grating. She knew she had veered off-course in her argument and was swinging low blows, but Emma had made her so very angry.

"That's bullshit Regina! You know I work hard and I have so much to worry about, this whole damn town to worry about, and I'm sorry if your gas tank slips my mind! I thought you knew I didn't have my car and you'd pick up Henry!" Emma yelled, getting right up to Regina's desk where she had been perched like a cat in her chair, eyes glowering. Emma slammed her hands onto the desk to enunciate her point. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my parents dinner night, sometimes I think I've already had certain conversations with you and then I get to thinking about work or something and _fuck_ Regina! I'm human! Cut me some slack!"

"No one ever cut me any slack in life, why should anyone do the same for you?" Regina sneered. She hated when she and Emma fought but sometimes it was inevitable, and sometimes the only way she knew how to win an argument was to fall back on old tactics.

"Oh yes, poor you. Poor Regina because her life is so hard now that she's mayor again and the town loves her and has forgiven her and her son loves her and her wife loves her. It must be so hard to finally have people care about you, please, tell me more about how much that hurts Regina."

"You have no idea what it's like to be me," Regina whispered threateningly.

"I feel the same way sweetheart," Emma growled.

And before either woman knew what had happened, a loud crack of magic shook the study, and the world went dark.

Emma slowly opened up her eyes in the early morning light. She seemed to have a bit of a headache, which she wasn't a stranger to in the mornings, but she couldn't remember doing any activities the night before that would have warranted one. In fact, she couldn't remember last night very well at all. Her mind was still hazy from sleep, and she yawned slowly. When had she gone to bed? The last thing she remembered was arguing with Regina in her study. After that it was a blur. Well that was certainly weird. Hopefully she'd made up with her? She usually tried to make sure they never went to bed angry. Once her eyes had adjusted to the sunlight coming in from the curtains she turned to wake up Regina. It was amazing the woman wasn't already up and in the shower. Emma was almost never up first. Then again, Regina had had a rough day yesterday. She probably needed the sleep.

Turning over slowly to face her wife's side of the bed, she was met with a mess of blonde curls. Wait...what? That looked like her hair. And her pale shoulder peeking out from under the covers. What was going on here?

"Regina?" Emma murmured softly, her voicing sounding off. Too low and throaty. Perhaps it was still just thick was sleep? Emma tried again. "Regina?" No, it still sounded wrong. Oh god, was she coming down with a cold? That was the last thing she needed.

The blonde curls began to stir, and after a moment Emma came face to face with...herself?

"Oh FUCK!" Emma managed to yell, immediately awake at the moment she saw herself in bed beside her.

"What's wrong OH MY GOD!" Regina...Emma? shrieked back.

Both women sat up to stare at each other.

"You're-"

"I'm-"

"We're-"

"Oh fuck," Emma said again, this time only a whisper. "I'm in your body."

"And you're in mine," Regina breathed.

"Ok nobody fucking panic," Emma said, trying not to pass out.

"Please, don't sound so crass, it sounds awful coming out of my mouth," Regina said with an eye roll. Emma noticed that somehow it didn't have the same effect on her features. It was almost cute.

"As if you're so pristine all the time," Emma snorted.

"And don't snort either dear," Regina said. "Honestly is this how your voice sounds to you? It's so...high."

Emma laughed, and Regina tried not to think about what she sounded like laughing. It was too weird. "And yours is so low."

"Mmm, but you like it," Regina smiled. Somehow her flirting didn't register the same in Emma's voice. "Ugh I don't like this."

Emma finally tore her eyes away from herself to look down under the covers. "Oh damn," she breathed, taking in all of the glory that was Regina's body. Well, now _her _body.

"Like what you see?" Regina chuckled. She knew that her wife found her attractive, but it didn't mean hearing so now and again didn't hurt her ego.

"You already know the answer to that," Emma smiled. It felt strange on her face. Everything felt strange to be honest.

Regina took a moment to get a feel for her new body herself. Emma was all angles and lines. A lithe body, athletic. Regina considered herself a fit woman, but this kind of lean could only be achieved through genetics. She wondered which Charming passed that along. Probably David. Emma pulled her from her thoughts.

"How did this happen?"

"I don't know," Regina admitted as she threw back the covers. She made her way over to the full-length mirror, hoping to get a better look and see for herself what had truly transpired. Yep, she was in Emma's body all right. An inch or so taller, skinny, and so very blonde and pale. It felt strange to be in her body, and yet not unwelcome. After all, Emma was her wife, her true love, her everything. Still, the angularity that was Emma felt off. So did the little black camisole and purple boy shorts she was wearing.

"It's weird isn't?" Emma said with an awkward smile as she stepped up behind Regina. She realized that she wasn't quite as tall as Emma. Huh, she'd never really noticed that Regina didn't quite have her height. Maybe because she was always wearing those damn fuck-me-heels. And wow, look at those curves. Emma raked over her body in the mirror just like Regina had. The powder blue silk nightgown felt so soft against her tan skin. "So this is what it's like to have boobs huh?"

"Hey!" Regina laughed, turning around to swat Emma's arm. A shiver ran up her spine at the contact. How bizarre to hit yourself. Well, to smack the arm of your body.

"Seriously though, as much as I love 'em on you, it's kind of nice to have them on me for once," Emma smiled.

"Don't get too attached," Regina warned. "There has to be some way to undo this."

"You're the one who understands magic," Emma offered.

"Oh, this can't possibly be your fault?!" Regina shrieked. Ugh, it sounded so piercing in her own head. How did Emma stand it?

"You know I'm still awful about using magic unless you help, and you've practically sworn every last bit off!" Emma whined. Her pleading tone sounded so strange in Regina's voice. "You never do anything fun anymore."

"Oh please, wasn't it you and Henry in the first place that thought I shouldn't use it? Something about making sure people trust me again?" Regina huffed. She put her long arms on her hips, trying to give off an air of importance but it fell short on Emma's gangly body.

"Yeah but last week when we got caught up in the shower you wouldn't-"

"Don't even go there," Regina warned, and her growl seemed to have some bite this time in Emma's lowest tones.

"I'm just saying that obviously you should use your magic to fix this," Emma stated, as if it were obvious. "I don't even know how to use my magic, unless you channel it, and so clearly this is not my fault."

"Oh of course," Regina sneered, "nothing is ever your fault. It's not like you ever fess up to anything!"

"Ok now we're fighting again," Emma sighed.

"Yes, and?!"

"And isn't that how we wound up like this in the first place?" Emma asked, one of her eyebrows going in a way only Regina's face could. Something clicked and Regina realized her wife was right.

"We were arguing..." she whispered, and Emma nodded her head. "And I said you didn't know what it was like to be me..."

"So whatever angry voodoo you did needs to be undone now," Emma replied, crossing her arms.

"I couldn't have done this magic myself dear," Regina retaliated. "You're as much to blame."

"Fine, we were both angry, but now we need to figure out how to swap back."

"I'll need to pore over some spell books. I can't just wave my hand and fix this sort of magic."

Emma sighed angrily, and Regina got to see first-hand what she looked like when annoyed. No wonder people feared her wrath when she got worked up. "I'll also need your help, or your magic at least, to reverse this. You helped," Regina said pointedly. "And in the meantime, we tell absolutely no one about this until we're back in our bodies."

"So what, we're just going to pretend to be each other? I'm Madam Mayor and you're Sheriff Swan?" Emma asked, incredulous. Was she serious?

"I'd rather no one know about this little mishap, and so I think until I can figure this out we shouldn't tell anyone."

"What about Henry?" Emma asked. Surely her wife didn't want to lie about the freaky body swap thing to him?

"What about him?" Regina asked, refusing to make eye contact with Emma. She made her way back to the bed and sat down. Her posture was so straight, Emma had to fight the urge to laugh at seeing herself so poised.

"We're going to tell him though, right?"

"I don't think-"

"Regina, we have to tell him. You think the kid who figured out about your curse before everyone else is going to freaking not notice his moms are in the wrong body?! You've got to be kidding me-"

"ALL RIGHT!" Regina shouted in a huff. "Fine, you're right. He'd notice. He knows us too well. But certainly we can keep this from everyone else?" Regina was pleading now, sounding almost desperate.

"Are you seriously that scared about people knowing you're in my body? What are you ashamed?" Emma was starting to feel hurt.

"No! No it's not that," Regina was quick to reassure her wife. "I don't want anyone thinking that I messed up again, or that we're fighting or...I don't know. I'm embarrassed I landed us in this situation in the first place, that's all."

"Is that...an apology?" Emma smirked, and Regina looked up to see a dazzling smile on her face. It was the strangest sight in the world, but knowing it was her true love in her body, smiling at her like that, well it made it a bit better.

"You know how horrid I am at those."

"Ok first things first, you can't say things like 'horrid' when you're pretending to be me," Emma chuckled.

"Oh lord," Regina swore with a dramatic roll of her eyes.

"You're going to have to be more convincing sheriff," Emma said with a flirtatious wink. Regina laughed at that.

"You're right, I should swear more and act more aloof," Regina replied. "Come on," she said with a smile. "Let's get dressed and I'll cook you breakfast before we figure out a game plan."

"You cooking as me? Yeah, Henry is definitely gonna know something is up," Emma snorted, and both women began to laugh on the bed. It was on odd situation they had found themselves in, but they knew they could get through it, just like everything else in their lives. Still, it was bound to be a very interesting day...

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**So what do we think? Worth continuing? I'll keep going if you guys like it!**


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